Movie Review- The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)

Originally written 4/8/16

The Roger Moore Bond films are often maligned as campy dreck. Those detractors would be right, but that is the appeal of the Moore films. They are Bond at his goofiest, and it sure is fun to watch. The Man with the Golden Gun is no exception. It makes little sense and is over-the-top, but it sure is entertaining.

The Bond movies have always unabashedly cashed in on what was popular at the time. Live and Let Die has elements of Blaxploitation, Moonraker is James Bond in space, Die Another Day is the x-treme early 00's Bond, and so on. The Man with the Golden Gun was made when kung-fu movies were popular, so of course Bond fights a karate dojo and sumo wrestlers. It must be seen to be believed. The creative team seemingly dumped any idea they had into the film, and it is a wonderful mess. A midget henchman? Okay. MI6 has a secret base inside a partially sunken ship, so that all the rooms are tilted? That would be cool to see, throw that in. That racist Smokey and the Bandit reject sheriff from Live and Let Die? Nobody liked him, sure we can bring him back. A slide whistle sound effect during a car stunt? Hell yeah, go for it! This movie is gloriously silly and bizarre. It is hard not to be won over by its discombobulated strangeness.

The plot is loopy and nonsensical. Some junk about the energy crisis. Christopher Lee is a villain named Scaramanga whose defining traits are "Has a golden gun and a third nipple". Bond disguises himself as Scaramanga at one point by wearing a fake third nipple. (Which he later peels off and throws onto the side of the road. Because this movie is really whacked.) Scaramanga has a secret island base with a shooting gallery in the basement so he can practice Golden Gunning people. Why his basement setup has a full array of animatronics and neon German expressionist decor is never addressed. He uses a solar-powered laser to blow up a plane. Truly this is an amazingly dumb film.

In the few "serious" moments of the film, the point is brought up that Scaramanga is essentially the evil version of James Bond. He is a hitman and kills for money, whereas Bond does the same thing but because he works for the government. The few scenes in which they address this point are well done, and I would have liked to see this point developed further. However, that would have required a complete overhaul of the film. A spy movie with a flying car is not the place to discuss moral gray areas.

The Man with the Golden Gun is a fun mess of a film. It has all the dumb campy junk you would expect from a Roger Moore Bond movie, but for once it actually clicks. Most of the Moore movies are amusingly campy on occasion. This one is just balls-to-the-wall weird. It is by no means a good film, but it is one of the most fun James Bond films in the series.

Movie Review- The Long Goodbye (1973)

Originally written 4/1/16

A truly fantastic film. The Long Goodbye exists in its own quirky, loopy world and sucks you right in. It is a shaggy dog detective story that rambles and wanders through a cast of strange characters, and we are along for the ride. Elliot Gould is magnificent as the droll, deadpan Phillip Marlowe. He reminds me of Garfield in his delivery, just so dryly beleaguered and schlubby. It is difficult not to like him. He is as affably lost and confused as the viewer, and his "just roll with it" attitude toward all the film's strange events helps to anchor the film. He is not snarky or gritty, just endearingly put-upon.

The film is gorgeously shot. The night scenes are full of rich shadows, and the beach locale is fabulous. I love this shot where two characters are talking behind a glass door and you can see Gould wandering the beach in the reflection. Strange, idiosyncratic things like that really make this film. All sorts of quirks, like the score that is the same song re-orchestrated over and over. It is reminiscent of a Coen Brothers film but with only the quirky characters. That is not to say that the film has no serious moments. It does, and they are great because they stand out in contrast to the quirkiness. It is the kind of movie Inherent Vice was trying to be, except more coherent than Inherent Vice. The Long Goodbye is charmingly odd and rambling, and wholly enjoyable.

Movie Review- Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)

Originally written 3/22/16

The original buddy flick has not aged well. Perhaps this movie was funnier and more charming in 1969, but today it is dry and hokey. The antihero characters are more crusty than loveable, so it makes it hard to sympathize with them or stay engaged in their misadventures. Technically speaking, the film is fine. The cinematography is pretty, and I am a sucker for wild west scenery. The pace is snappy and keeps the film from being wholly dull.

But the buddy banter feels fake, due in part to the unconvincing chemistry between the leads. Paul Newman and Robert Redford were seemingly put together in a movie because they were both handsome. Although to be fair, Paul Newman has enough dashing looks and charisma to outweigh his generic roguish character. Maybe the charming rogue was not as prevalent an archetype in 1969, but today he is forgettable. There is also the ill-fitting Herb Alpert-esque score. I am open to unusual score/soundtrack choices, but bossa nova lounge music and cowboys do not mix. And lest we forget the comically out of place Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head sequence.

There are a few scenes that do work. The opening scene in the saloon, the duel with cowboy Lurch, and the unique travelling sequence that consists of a montage of sepia photographs. On the whole, the movie is just okay. Other movies have improved on the buddy dynamic since. (Even then, Bonnie & Clyde did the antihero thing much better only a year prior). It is not a bad film exactly, just extremely dated.

Movie Review- Night of the Hunter (1955)

Originally written 3/20/16

Night of the Hunter is a dark, eerie thriller bookended by cheesy Leave It to Beaver-esque sequences. Robert Mitchum steals the show as the creepy ex-con preacher. His character is one of the most disturbing villains in film. His sheer levels of menace are still unsettling some 61 years later. The cinematography is stunningly shadowy, and Mitchum is often lit as an ominous silhouette. But the movie has a murky message about sex and temptation, as well as a hammy supporting cast of hillbilly stereotypes that really distracts from the story. At time the movie feels like a hardened criminal wandered onto the set of the Beverly Hillbillies and started disrupting all the cheerily glib 1950's TV antics. The ending drags on for too long and is jarringly happy. Talk about forced happy endings. There's a really creepy movie in here being held by clunky 50's filmmaking conventions. It is worth seeing for Mitchum and the visuals alone, but the story itself is tonally confused.

Movie Review- Blood and Black Lace (1964)

Originally written 3/15/16

Blood and Black Lace is the granddaddy of slasher movies. For better or for worse, this is the template that most slashers have abided in the ensuing years. And as with all slashers, they must be addressed on their own terms. They are the lovable dimwit of the horror family and as such cannot be compared to other Big Kid Serious horror movies because they operate on their idiot logic.

The dubbing in Blood and Black Lace is astoundingly bad. Not just Godzilla movie actors-keep-talking-even-though-their-mouths-are-closed bad. There is a scene at the end where the villain is screaming at her partner in crime, but the dubbing actress is completely monotone. I am easily amused by crap like that, and it is enough to hold the film afloat during the duller parts.

The strong suit of Blood and Black Lace is its visuals. I love Mario Bava's fantastical lighting schemes. It makes no sense for lights to be where they are or to be the colors they are, but it is a treat to look at. I wish more horror movies went for crazy EC comics color schemes like this. The tradeoff is that the plot is thinner than tissue paper. The plot is a cheap excuse for scantily clad women and violence. (Which is the only element future slashers would consistently borrorw). The killers' motivations are nonsensical, and their reasons for axing their victims are even more ridiculous. Their costume is neat, though. It looks like The Question from the Batman comics.

Blood and Black Lace is sleazy and silly, but if you are a diehard horror fan, this is definitely worth looking into. It is also an interesting artifact of horror movie history, especially in the context of the numerous slasher films it inspired, directly or indirectly. The excellent visuals and campy laughs make this a decent flick.  

Movie Review- Godzilla 2000 (1999)

Originally written 3/13/16

Not the greatest Godzilla film ever, but far from the worst. The monster destruction is decent, but the requisite scientist plot is not outlandish or cheesy enough to hold interest. The not-Godzilla portion of the movie follows a group of Godzilla hunters (in this film's universe, people seem to accept Godzilla rampages as a regular occurrence) and a group of scientists investigating a UFO that was salvaged from the ocean. The UFO comes to life, flies around for a bit, and then lands on a skyscraper. It starts trying to suck data out the city's computers, apparently to gain power. The movie is largely scientists standing around wondering what the UFO will do next.

Godzilla eventually shows up and the UFO turns into a monster and they duke it out. The UFO-monster bears a strong resemblance to Muto, the villain-monster from the 2014 Godzilla. Godzilla 2000 was the last film in the series to get an American release before the recent reboot, so perhaps they thought they would just recycle the monster designs because America loves their UFO-turned-kaiju. Who knows.

Godzilla 2000 was the first in the series (discounting the 1998 abomination) to utilize CG, and it shows. The suit effects are some of the series' best, and it makes the poor CG stand out all the more. The rampage scenes and fight scenes are not nearly long enough (the Godzilla series' Achilles' heel), but what we get is enjoyable. The best Godzilla movies are the ones that remember nobody cares about the human characters and focuses on the big guy as much as possible. Unfortunately Godzilla 2000 is not one of those movies. It was enough to satisfy me as a hardcore fan, but overall the film is lacking.

Movie Review- Evil Dead (2013)

Originally written 3/8/16

Like so many other remakes before it, Evil Dead fails to escape the shadow of its source material, and is doomed to a life as a "Oh yeah, I forgot they remade that" movie. The appeal of the first Evil Dead movie is its low-budget grittiness and comically over-the-top levels of gore. The remake is pumped full of cash, giving us a slick and glossy studio picture with nauseating levels of gore. No matter how much money they threw at this thing, it was not going to work. The forest photography looks like something out of Twilight. The creative team was missing the point. They were missing the down-and-dirty indie appeal and Bruce Campbell.

The story is essentially a retread of the original, but with a few details changes. This time, instead of going to woods to party the cast of doomed twentysomethings are there to help their friend kick her heroin habit. This could have been an interesting angle for the film to pursue, but this plot point is dropped once the characters discover the Necronomicon. Once the creepy old book is opened and read, it becomes standard procedure. In fact, the movie seems to embrace every single horror cliché possible. The characters are painfully dumb, even for a horror movie. Evil Dead almost feels like a parody with how many "Don't go in there!" moments there are. The film is also marred by how many callbacks there are to the original film. They should have spent more time trying to do something original, rather than trying to remind the audience that they should be watching the original instead.

Evil Dead also suffers from being on the tail end of the torture porn craze of the 2000's. I appreciate the film's dedication to using practical effects, but it is difficult to appreciate them when they are being used in an unsavory context. There is nothing fun or entertaining about watching prolonged suffering. I am uncertain of where I draw the line in terms of violence in horror movies, but Evil Dead certainly goes too far. It is mean-spirited and miserable to watch at times. The creative team even felt it was necessary to keep the infamous tree-rape scene from the original film. The scene was unnecessary and a blight on the original, and it is just as awful and unneeded in the remake.

Evil Dead is obnoxiously stupid at best and nauseatingly unpleasant at worst. It does nothing to differentiate itself from the original, even copying the original shot-for-shot at times. The filmmakers obviously appreciate the original film, as evidenced by their continual aping of the source material, but they fail to do anything other than make a chintzy imitation of the original. They tried to make a sleazy, grimy exploitation movie, but wound up with an overproduced boneheaded  barrage of gore and suffering. 

Movie Review- The Witch (2015)

Originally written 3/3/16

The Witch is not perfect, but it's the best American horror film in years. It takes all the best elements of horror films and molds it into a taut psychological thriller. It's cabin in the woods horror, man versus the wilderness horror, and supernatural horror all rolled into one. The gimmick of the period setting works excellently, and helps keep all the recycled elements feeling fresh.

The setup is great; an early 1600's pilgrim family is cast out from their colonial settlement because of a dispute over religious beliefs. The family must fend for themselves against the great wilderness of New England, leading to immediate tensions in the family. Matters are made worse when their youngest, an infant, disappears. Suspense rises as the family is beset after continual misfortunes. The genius of the film is that every misfortune that befalls the family could easily be chalked up to the perils of living in the woods in 1600's New England. But the family is intensely superstitious and believes there is some greater evil at work. With nothing to rely on but religious faith, the family members all begin to go crazy believing that the devil is at work to destroy them.

The best part of The Witch is also the story's major problem. The movie spends nearly the entire runtime keeping the viewer in suspense: Is there really a witch, or is it just the typical hardships pilgrims had to face? The few scenes of witch activity we do see are shot with a dreamy atmosphere that, if it were not for the ending, would leave the actual existence of the witch up for debate. The Witch decides to go with the answer that yes in fact witches and the devil are real. After the film's excellent suspense via ambiguity, going with a concrete answer is a disappointment. I would have preferred if they kept the existence of the witch mysterious to the end. A coven of naked witches having a hippie drum circle party is not nearly as frightening as the ambiguity of the preceding moments of the film.

Even if the ending is not what I was hoping for, there are still things to enjoy about the film. The atmosphere is incredible. The movie is largely shot with natural light, and there are many candlelit shots that have a spooky chiaroscuro effect. Everything feels period authentic without crossing into costume drama artifice. It is a grungy, earthy film that realistically recreates early colonial life. The music is sparse and chilling with a folksy, witchy sound. The child actors are incredible as well. They are some of the best child performances I have ever seen, and in 17th century vernacular no less. It is a movie thoroughly dedicated to its eerie old fairytale ambiance, and I admire that.

Movie Review- Magic (1978)

Originally written 3/1/16

Magic is not a killer doll movie, but it would have been better if it were one. The film is a lukewarm psychological thriller starring an over-the-top Anthony Hopkins as a disturbed ventriloquist. The movie makes it clear from the beginning that Hopkins' is mentally unsound, and that the doll is certainly not alive. This kills any potential suspense that the dummy could really be alive versus just being a conduit for the ventriloquist's craziness. The majority of the film is Hopkins doing a hammy Gollum-style routine with his dummy. The puppet is his "evil" side and occasionally compels him to murder people. The is nothing clever or inventive done with the premise, and there is no real suspense or excitement. Jeff Dunham's standup is scarier than this mess.

Movie Review- Prince of Darkness

Prince of Darkness is an interesting but flawed effort from John Carpenter. This is the only horror movie as far as I am aware that incorporates quantum physics in its story. There is literally a quantum particle antichrist in this movie. I have never seen that in a movie before. There is also an odd plot point about messages sent from the future via dreams. I appreciate this unusual direction in what is otherwise a mundane devil-horror flick. The concepts are never quite as fleshed out as they could have been, but the idea is interesting nonetheless.

Bizarrely, the movie does not find its footing until the third act. Typically a bad movie will fall apart after the first act, but Prince of Darkness does the reverse and only becomes entertaining in the last 35 minutes or so. The preceding 70 minutes is mostly just people standing around in a church and staring at a jar of swirling green fog. The subatomic devil in a jar starts causing spooky mischief almost right off the bat, but none of it is particularly creepy. Some ants crawl on a TV and a homeless woman tries to give Donald Pleasance a cup full of bugs. Alice Cooper shows up for a brief and distracting cameo as a ghostly pale hobo that stabs a guy with part of a bicycle. The demonic jar leaks green goo on a radiologist. It feels like John Carpenter threw all of his stray ideas into the script and then just left them there unedited.

After an hour of weird goings-on, things actually get creepy. One of the 30something-playing-a-college-student gets possessed by the devil jar, because she had a bruise shaped like the Blue Oyster Cult logo (It makes no sense when the movie explains it, either). She turns into a grotesque Freddy Kruger lookalike and general pandemonium ensues. Maybe it's because the lighting is really eerie and shadowy during the finale, but the ending managed to elicit feeling of dread from me that few other horror movies ever have. The future-dream scenes have an unsettling 2nd generation videotape look that gave me the heebie-jeebies. The jar devil tries to emerge from a makeup kit mirror. Believe me, it's way creepier on screen.

I cannot entirely recommend Prince of Darkness because of its general lack of coherency, but there are a lot of interesting ideas at play in the film. If you are a die-hard horror fan, there is some definite value in the ending. Everyone else should probably skip it. This movie could really use a remake. If done right, it could be one incredibly scary film.

Movie Review- Body Heat

Body Heat is an excellent film noir throwback. The retro costumes, the saxophone-heavy score, and the dark, smoky visuals are all fantastically noir. Kathleen Turner is perfect as the femme fatale, and William Hurt is suitably plain as the hapless schmuck who gets caught up in her scheme. They even give Hurt a fedora. It's super 1940's at every turn.

Because the film borrows so much from old film noir, the plot feels very familiar to the point to being predictable. I didn't see the film's twist coming, but when it happened it still felt familiar. Despite that, the film is still enjoyable. The visuals are absolutely gorgeous. The strong use of colors and gauzy lighting are absolutely sumptuous. The scene where they first visit Turner's house is a cinematic treasure. The pacing in that scene is beyond perfect. Throwing a chair through a window has never been more cinematically sexy. 

Movie Review- Deadpool

Deadpool has its moments but is ultimately just another comic book movie that has been watered down, in this case with broad appeal humor, to bring in a larger audience. The movie probably would have been made if it wasn't watered down to the average moviegoers' taste first. If Deadpool stayed truer to comics, it would probably have bombed like Scott Pilgrim because it was too niche. Deadpool sacrifices the potential of a truly unique superhero film in favor of bland familiarity, because they gotta get those box office returns.

The Deadpool comics, like most superhero comics, vary wildly in quality depending on the writer. When done right, the character plays more like the personification of an Itchy & Scratchy cartoon, and it's hilarious. In the wrong hands, he is an insufferable snarky loudmouth that only appeals to casual comics fans. We got the insufferable one. And even worse, it's another damn origin story movie. I'm so sick of seeing this storyline that I'm ready to give an automatic 10/10 to the first superhero flick that does something different.

The film is a comedy, and the primary goal of a comedy is to evoke laughter. Do you enjoy Big Bang Theory's "just mention things geeks like" style of humor? Then you will enjoy Deadpool. Do you feel that just referencing things isn't inherently funny? That there has to at least be a joke present for a reference to work? Skip Deadpool and go watch something else. Do you like Seth MacFarlane's body of work? Go see Deadpool. Do you get tired of constant sex jokes? Psst... Deadpool is probably not for you. Deadpool somehow screws up the 4th Wall jokes, too. Those are usually funny in the comics, but here it felt more like "We get it, Green Lantern and X-Men Origins: Wolverine were terrible. Reference something else, please".

Despite its general lack of originality or humor, the movie does get a few things right. Ryan Reynolds absolutely nails the demented Bugs Bunny demeanor of Deadpool. His performance is right up there with Robert Downey Jr.'s Tony Stark in terms of accuracy to the comics. If only they had given him better material to work with. I also enjoyed seeing Colossus portrayed as an goody two-shoes Boy Scout type. He was good comic foil to Deadpool's general profanity, even if the "Hey guys, Colossus has a metal penis" jokes stopped being funny after the first one.

The fact that a Deadpool movie even got made is astounding, but I shouldn't have been surprised that it had to be run through the audience palatability machine in order to be produced. Making an R-rated superhero movie is an risky move, and I can understand why the creative team veered more towards Seth Macfarlane-cum-Bazinga humor over the bizarre hyperviolent comic book parody of the best Deadpool comics. At least we got a Deadpool movie at all. With a sequel already in the works, perhaps the studio will let the creative team cut loose and get weird this time. And maybe they'll actually produce something funny.

Movie Review- The Visit

I had low expectations for The Visit, and was pleasantly surprised by how not-awful it was.M. Night Shyamalan has all but ruined his reputation, and found-footage movies are notorious for being garbage heaps masquerading as movies. Surprisingly the combination of washed-up director and cheap horror movies works.

The strongest part of The Visit is lead actors' performances. The two child actors were convincing playing siblings, and were surprisingly charming. Somehow the kid from Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day gives a good performance. I thought he was terribly annoying in the aforementioned film, but here his annoying middle school kid attitude brings fairly effective comic relief. The actors playing the grandparents do a good job of playing creepy old people, even if they do go into over-the-top camp by the end. Found-footage movies typically have a reality show feeling to them, so acting abilities are not required. The fact that The Visit bothered to have decent actors is a breath of refreshing air in a stale subgenre.

The Visit is ultimately a horror-comedy, but I wish the film had gone for straight horror. The main characters have some good sibling banter, but the rest of the movie's humor falls flat. The movie is intentionally campy, but the ending goes so over-the-top it stops being funny. It feels like Shyamalan was trying to pass off a weak ending with the excuse of "but it's supposed to be cheesy". There is also a terrible repeated joke where the younger brother is a wannabe rapper. We are subjected to not one, but three cringe-inducing freestyle raps from a 13-year-old during the movie. A movie needs approximately zero rapping middle school children to be truly good.

This being a found-footage movie, The Visit suffers from every problem the subgenre has. The movie requires heavy suspension of disbelief. Why would a sane person still be filming themselves at this point? Why would a sane person be filming banal filler scenes in the first place? That's found-footage logic for you. Strangely, The Visit eschews the subgenre's requisite dropped camera ending in favor of a saccharine ending that drags on much too long. I would have actually preferred the cliche ending in this case.

The Visit is not a great movie by any means, but it is much better than it could have been. It could have been another laughably bad entry in Shyamalan's filmography, but there are some effective elements at work. It is occasionally funny and occasionally creepy, which is more than I was expecting. If you are looking for a dumb-but-fun diversion, The Visit is worth visiting.

Stop-Motion Animation Projects 2011-2015

Selected stop-motion animation projects I created from 2011-2015.

Movie Review- Run Lola Run

Originally written 1/24/16

Run Lola Run  is a fast-paced, blood-pumping action thriller with a smart and inventive story. The butterfly effect element that occurs throughout the film adds a nice element of depth that keeps the razor-thin plot from feeling flimsy. The enthralling, pulse-pounding techno score further accentuates the high-speed tension of the film. I like the fantastical elements throughout the story. You do not see that often in American films, so it is a welcome breath of fresh air. This is also one of the few instances where music video style editing works. That kind of stylization must be fully embraced with a purpose to work well. The film uses it excellently to get you caught up in the mad-dash frenzy. This is definitely a film worth checking out.

Movie Review- Dope

Originally written 1/22/16

            Dope has a lot of good things going for it, but is held back by an overstuffed mish-mash plot. There are three different movies going on here, a raunchy teen comedy, a coming-of-age drama, and a crime thriller. As a whole, these three stories diminish the impact each could have had individually. The teen comedy aspect feels out of place with the film's serious moments. Both work fine by themselves, but as a whole film they do not coalesce together well. It's hard to get invested in serious coming-of-age drama when the movie spends the first half as a raunchy comedy.

            The movie gets so lost in its multiple twists that it seems to forget that its main characters are nerds. The movie largely eschew geeky humor save for repeated references to bitcoin. In an attempt to be relevant and "real" to today's teens there are of course memes and MDMA, references that will age as poorly as all other timely references in teen movies do.  I would have like the movie to either pursue that comedic route further or play it straight. And to avoid the meme references altogether. You can still have funny, relatable characters without delving into flat-out comedy as the movie occasionally does. The three lead actors are all incredibly charming and have good screen chemistry. They could have easily carried the film as a complete drama. Their performances are the anchor that keeps the movie from capsizing. 

            The washed-out Instagram filter looking cinematography gorgeously captures disenfranchised urban California. Even if you can't relate to the youth of today, there are at least pretty shots to look at on screen. The trendy-ass thrift store chic costume design is admittedly nice to look at as well. I am not a fan of the music video style editing in the party scenes. The constant frame rate ramping in those scenes made me think of the drugged out dance scene from Cruising. Music video style editing almost never works, especially when it is done just to look cool.

            One minor thing: The main characters have a punk band called "Oreo". (Get it? Because they're white on the inside. What a dumb pun. Only a teenage garage band would think that was a funny band name.) Apparently Pharrell Williams produced the soundtrack, and his influence is painfully apparent. Oreo is the most vanilla, sanitized car commercial sounding punk band I have ever heard. I like Pharrell's music, but punk rock he is not. The fact that clearly established music geeks would consider their music punk is hilariously dumb.

            Despite its flaws, I still enjoyed Dope. I appreciate the ambition of the movie's twisty story. I like that it is teen movie for poor kids and minorities who are otherwise nonexistent in John Hughes type movies. It is a good step forward for diversity. I hope the three leads get more roles, they were all very likable. Plus the cinematography is pretty and the end credits are done like Pop-Up Video. It has its moments.

Movie Review- Curse of Frankenstein

Originally written 1/18/16

            Curse of Frankenstein is more of a study of Dr. Frankenstein than anything to do with the monster. I appreciate the direction Hammer took with their remake. Rather than retell the same story, the movie instead follows Victor Frankenstein as he slowly descends into villainy as he pursues his dream of reanimating the dead. For a horror movie, Frankenstein's descent into evil is told with excellent care. In a drama it would be a bit too obviously telegraphed, but in comparison to other Frankenstein movies it is graceful. Peter Cushing gives the best performance of his career as Frankenstein. He never delves into camp, convincingly portraying his character's decline into wretchedness. The gothic set design and period costumes are great, as well. I do not care for that era's aesthetics and I was still impressed.  

            While I was pleased with the film's overall quality, the character study did not click with me. A Frankenstein movie really needs more than five minutes of the monster. I was not a fan of the look they chose for the monster, either. The clammy mod rocker look they went with cannot beat the classic Karloff makeup. For the niche audience that likes horror remakes with an emphasis on character study, this is a great film. It is certainly better than the subgenre's sole other offering, the 2003 Willard remake with Crispin Glover. Curse of Frankenstein is slow and talky, and has that staged feel that many older movies have. I know that vibe appeals to some people, but it was not for me.

Movie Review- Westworld

Originally written 1/17/16

            In Westworld, Michael Crichton tries out the "theme park gone awry" story he would eventually revisit with Jurassic Park, but he doesn't quite hit the mark. I appreciate what the film is trying to do, which is basically Jurassic Park with a robot cowboy, but the execution is clumsy. Despite its short runtime, Westworld takes its own sweet time before anything happens. In the meantime, we are subjected to run-of-the-mill cowboy hijinks. This is intercut with the slow revelation that there is a computer virus spreading through the robots in the theme park, causing them to go haywire. This could have been a suspenseful series of scenes, but this information is largely revealed from scientists standing around and talking, which is incredibly boring to watch.

            It is not even necessary to have an explanation as to why the gunslinger robot goes haywire. Electronics go haywire all the time, that is as much of an explanation as you need. (As a side note, this movie came out before the idea of a computer virus was something the average viewer would not have been familiar with. Hearing the scientists explain the logistics of a computer virus without ever actually saying "computer virus" is weirdly amusing, like watching one of those old "How to install the internet" instructional videos.) Yul Brenner is excellently intimidating as the gunslinger robot, but he does not get nearly enough screen time. The idea for WestWorld is neat, but it just does not work. Jurassic Park is a much better exploration of the same plot and themes. 

Movie Review- Ant-Man

Originally written 1/16/16

Ant-Man is the weakest entry in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, except for perhaps Iron Man 2. Even Guardians of the Galaxy, which I hated, was at least memorably bad. Ant-Man is forgettable. To me, the worst impression a movie can leave is none at all. ­Ant-Man is a phoned-in effort at salvaging whatever Edgar Wright was working on before Disney gave him the boot.

            The positive reviews I have read for Ant-Man all cite Paul Rudd's performance as the part they liked. I guess likability is subjective. I thought he was an ass and not a sympathetic hero. His motive of wanting to see his daughter again felt manipulative and insincere due to Rudd's lack of charm. For a movie touting itself as Marvel's next "funny" movie after Guardians, there is a dearth of actual jokes. Just weak attempts at banter and mugging at the camera that felt like sitcom material. The "It's a Small World After All" and "Tales to Astonish" gags are stupid, club-footed references that don't gel well with the movie. It is irritatingly blatant fanservice.

            The product placement in the movie is incredibly painful. Seeing Ant-Man work at a Baskin-Robbins does not make me want to buy there ice cream any more than I already did. If they didn't constantly call attention to the fact that Ant-Man works at Baskin-Robbins it would have felt more naturally integrated and would not have bothered me so much. The Lifesavers product placement and Siri "Disintegration" joke were equally dumb and took me out of the film.

            The special effects in Ant-Man are heavily stylized and cartoony like Sin City, but the giant environments feel uninspired and are not as captivating as they should have been. The creative team really missed the opportunity to showcase some inventive and stunning environments. I should be feeling a sense of wonder getting to see the world from the scale of an ant, not a hollow feeling that I could be spending my time doing something more productive than watching Ant-Man. It doesn't help that ants are generally repulsive insects, and constantly seeing them in giants swarms made my skin crawl. I am pretty sure Marvel wanted the ants to be endearing, but I was experiencing flashbacks to Them!

            The Falcon cameo/fight scene is the closest the movie came to having any fun, and the only scene that felt like something from the comics. It's fun to see the Marvel characters crossing over into each other's movies now, just like it happens in the comics. All it took was eight straight years of superhero movies. Much like the rest of the MCU, Ant-Man is forced to fall in line with the tone and continuity of the franchise, much to the detriment of the film's potential. The movie feels mechanical and insincere when it should have been exhilarating and funny. If you want a good "people get shrunken" movie, go watch Honey, I Shrunk the Kids instead. At least the ant is endearing in that movie. 

Movie Review- Merantau

Originally written 1/13/16

Merantau is the first feature film from the director of The Raid: Redemption. It is not quite as brutal or snappy as The Raid, but the film has an enjoyable kinetic energy. The movie is feels like a late 80's/early 90's VHS import kung-fu movie, due to the low budget and hammy acting. The fight choreography is definitely on par with the fight scenes in both of the Raid films. The movie is nice-looking given the budget. There are lots of striking neon colors that remind me of Punisher: War Zone. If you like martial arts movies, this is definitely worth checking out.

Movie Review- Jason and the Argonauts

Originally written 1/8/16

Out of the famous Ray Harryhausen movies, I think I liked The 7th Voyage of Sinbad the most. The express purpose of this movie, like Sinbad, is fantastical escapist entertainment. Jason and the Argonauts is not as thrills-a-minute as Sinbad, therefore many of the plot and character flaws of the film become quite glaring. More action scenes or less standing around and talking could have glossed over these flaws. However, the stop-motion monsters are still great, and the climactic skeleton fight scene still stuns even after 53 years. While not nearly as fun as Sinbad, there are still plenty of memorable scenes that make Jason worth watching. 

Movie Review- Dog Day Afternoon

Originally written 1/6/16

            I know Dog Day Afternoon is a classic, but I could just not get in to it. It was really well-made and well-acted, there is no denying that. This was just not my cup of tea. I am not a big dramatic films that glorified showcases for actors. I can tell bad acting from good acting, but I cannot tell good acting from Oscar-worthy acting. Most of Pacino's scenes feel like they are there to let him show off his acting skills, rather than because they were completely necessary to the story. It feels forced. The ending is predictable if you know anything about how hostage situations always turn out, or if you were at all familiar with the real-life events on which this film is based, but there is still enough suspense to be engaging.

            I think the film feels dated, too. Pacino uses the civil unrest of the time to rally the crowd into thinking he is some sort of counterculture hero. I think the unrest that he was tapping into probably had more relevance in 1976 than it does forty-one years later, like when Pacino starts screaming "Attica!" to fire up the onlookers. I had to pause the movie and Google what he was referring to. On the plus side, the movie is gorgeously gritty-looking. I love the look of gritty urban 70's-80's films, so if that particular look appeals to you, Dog Day Afternoon has plenty of excellent scenery. 

Movie Review- Time After Time

Originally written 1/4/16

            Time After Time is a neat concept for a movie that satisfactorily delivers. If you ever wanted to see H.G. Wells chase Jack the Ripper through time to disco-era San Francisco, this is the movie for you. It is unusual to see historical figures appearing in fictional works outside of the historical fiction genre. The movie thankfully avoids most fish-out-of-water clichés, opting for more of a thriller approach. There are still some dumb jokes where Wells does not understand something modern, but these jokes are few and far between. McDowell is suitably charming as Wells, playing a more reserved approach as an optimistically curious type, rather than the more obvious route of dumbfounded reactions to various modern things.  The romantic aspect of the film is a bit too sappy for my taste, but the two leads have good screen chemistry, so it is not insufferable. From a technical aspect movie is competently made. Nothing iconic or stunning, but definitely an enjoyable film. 

Movie Review- Inception

Originally written 1/3/16

            I had not seen Inception since it originally hit home video, and I was hoping it would still hold up. I did not enjoy the last few Nolan films I had seen since then, and I was unsure if it was as good of a movie as I remembered it being. But the man, the myth, the meme actually hit one out of the park with Inception.

            In a market saturated with remakes and sequels, it is nice to see a fresh idea that delivers on its promises. Inception is taut despite its lengthy runtime, and enjoyably cerebral while still packing in excitement and action. It is rare to see a movie so intricately thought out, and one that asks the audience to keep their brain turned on. If there is any fault with the movie, it would be that it is extremely talky. There are some excellent uses of visual storytelling throughout, but I cannot help but feel that the movie could have communicated some of the exposition visually.

            Inception is a marvel. It is a big budget studio film that is unpredictable, smart, and challenging. The visuals are unique and the action scenes are coherently shot. It is an excellent story told in an excellent manner. If you have not seen it yet, I would highly recommend doing so.

Movie Review- My Cousin Vinny

Originally written 1/2/2016

            My Cousin Vinny is half courtroom movie, half cruddy fish-out-of-water comedy. It could have (and should have) been cut down to an April Fool's Day comedic episode of Law & Order. Anything other than the courtroom scenes is painful to sit through. That horrible "comedic" misunderstanding trope I hate is back again from Enemy of the State. The movie could not have progressed if it were not for the dumb misunderstanding. If only Ralph Macchio could have elaborated his situation to the police, we might have been spared from this movie. There's also a strange overuse of Dutch angles in the first act of the film, but only in the first act. I cannot fathom why the director decided to do this.

            The rest of the movie's jokes are variations on "Haw-haw, Joe Pesci is a stereotypical Yankee in a stereotypical southern town". There is a joke in which a short order cook explains to Joes Pesci at great length how to make grits. Comedy gold, I tell ya. The courtroom scenes are well done, at least comparatively to the rest of the film. The pacing and beats are still super Hollywood and predictable, but the performances save the day. It is a rare instance where good actors can save an otherwise dull script. Somehow the combined powers of Joe Pesci, Marissa Tomei, and Herman Munster work together to create a genuinely funny third act. My Cousin Vinny is half of a good movie, but the half that works does so satisfactorily.

Movie Review- Pulse (2001)

Originally written 1/1/2016

            Pulse is another atmospheric entry in the J-Horror genre. It has an interesting message of "The internet isolates us, just like ghosts are isolated from each other". Apparently ghosts got so lonely the flooded the world in a ghostpocalypse. I would be interested to see this idea used again in the context social media and its potentially harmful effects. There is some definitely creepy imagery and scenes in the film, such as when that guy appears out of a wall stain. The atmosphere of the film is superb. The scenery is largely comprised of eerie, desolate industrial locales, and it is very unnerving. There is an odd visual motif of red tape used throughout the film, although I suspect it might be a cultural thing that was lost on me as an American viewer. The movie starts to drag towards the end, and could have benefitted from being slightly shorter. Otherwise, this is a decent ghost movie with some memorably freaky scenes.

Movie Review- Enemy of the State

Originally written 12/30/15

Enemy of the State is a high-tech thriller that starts off promising but continually pushes suspension of disbelief to its breaking point. The movie was certainly ahead of its time with the NSA espionage elements, but that does not give it a free pass. Will Smith is a great lead as always, but his character is not particularly interesting. It becomes harder and harder to believe that a family man lawyer could evade government agents for as long as he did. Gene Hackman phones it in as a generic grumpy old man, which is a shame because he has played the grumpy old man character with a much more enjoyable zeal in other films. Enemy of the State also features every single geek character actor from the 1990's. If you have ever wanted to see Jamie Kennedy, Seth Green, and Jack Black sit in front of computers together, this is the movie for you. 

The rest of the movie was already highly improbable, but the ending is a trope that I do not care for due to how unrealistic it feels. It is the "Comical misunderstanding because neither party will use specific details when speaking" trope. The cliché is usually played for laughs in comedy films, but here it is played seriously, making it even harder to believe. The film is passable entertainment with more brains than the usual Bruckheimer production, but there are still too many Hollywood trappings that keep it from being great.

Movie Review- The 7th Voyage of Sinbad

Originally written 12/29/15

            The 7th Voyage of Sinbad made me feel like an old-timey little kid watching adventure serials. The movie has the same spirit as Star Wars, pure pop escapist fun. Brawny heroes, fawning dames, evil wizards, and giant monsters. The exotic mythical locales are gorgeously shot in loud, Mario Bava-level colors that have that fantastic Technicolor pop. The special effects are absolutely fantastic for 1958. Ray Harryhausen's stop-motion monsters filled me with unparalleled joy. All the action scenes are fantastic cinematic spectacle. It is very easy to get swept up in the childlike excitement of the film.

            As thrilling and engaging as the movie is, Sinbad is spectacle first and everything else second. The acting is hokey and the story expects audience involvement based on the hero's goals alone, not the charm or personality of the character. But ultimately those are trivial complaints, because it is not the film's intent. It is a fine piece of self-insert wish fulfillment. Sinbad is the blank slate clean-cut good guy so we can vicariously partake in his perilous adventures. Who cares about character arcs and the nuances of acting when there are skeletons to swordfight? 

Movie Review- The House by the Cemetery

Originally written 12/28/15

            The House by the Cemetery is best when it is indulging in ethereal ambiance. The titular house is eerie and shadowy and nicely photographed. It reminds me of Phantasm and Let's Scare Jessica to Death; they all have an ominous, foreboding dreamlike atmosphere. Unfortunately, the dreamy, haunting visuals are offset by a weak story, weak acting, and gratuitous violence. This is a visuals-first movie, so the story is not treated with much importance, but the brief attempts at a plot are nonsensical. There are ghosts and also a mad scientist who eats people to live forever or something. The screenwriter clearly did not give a damn, and it is best to share that attitude to enjoy the film. As is typical with old Italian horror movies, the dubbing is awkward at best. In particular, the dubbing for the child actors in the film is hilariously atrocious.

            I know this is a Lucio Fulci film, but the violence here is truly gratuitous. He revels in gory visuals for far too long. After a while, it stops being shocking and becomes plainly disgusting. Had he chosen some restraint and cut away from the carnage at times, perhaps the violence would have had more impact than a shameless display of corn syrup blood and fake body parts.

            If you are familiar with exploitation movies and their various shortcomings, there is some value to be had in The House by the Cemetery. The visuals are truly creepy, and there are some genuinely suspenseful scenes throughout. There are also a number of campy elements in the film, such as the ridiculously cheesy bat attack scene, that are definitely amusing if you enjoy that sort of thing.  There are parts of a good movie buried within the walls of the house if you're willing to look for them.

Movie Review- The Watcher in the Woods

Originally written 12/27/15

The Watcher in the Woods is a largely forgettable affair that is only memorable for being one of the few horror films ever directly produced by Disney. The movie is thankfully short and well-paced. A girl investigates the death of the landlord's daughter, and there are mildly spooky goings-on as she tries to solve the mystery. There are some decent atmospheric visuals occasionally throughout. I appreciate that there was at least an attempt at trying to make the film creepy. The story certainly wasn't doing it. The ending is some lunacy about solar eclipses and possession by interdimensional aliens, which comes out of nowhere and is hopelessly confusing. Apparently there were multiple endings shot, but I do not see how a different ending could save the film. It was already dead by the time the ending rolls around. The Watcher in the Woods seems to be targeted to a tween audience, but I do not think that tweens in 1980 would have enjoyed  it anymore than I did in 2015. It is an unusual but somehow milquetoast Disney outing that doesn't need to be watched.

Movie Review- The Abominable Dr. Phibes

Originally written 12/23/15

            The Abominable Dr. Phibes is an outlandish and campy movie. It is extremely colorful and brightly lit for a horror movie. It feels as though the 1966 Batman TV series was an influence in terms of the film's absurdity and vivid art direction. It was an interesting choice to give Vincent Price almost no dialog, especially since his voice is so iconic. His character is a mute who speaks through a modified gramophone like an electrolarynx (This movie is really weird, you guys).  Even odder is that his character has minimal screen time despite being the title character.

            When the film is not following Price around his villainous art deco lair, the movie plays out as more of a mystery film. A detective and the police force solve the mystery of a series of bizarre murders (Spoiler Alert: It was Phibes), and then stop him before he can kill again. The murders have an inventive, if not contrived, biblical plague motif. There are attacks with giant bats, hail, rats, and so on and so forth. The film's climax plays out like a precursor to the Saw traps, and is a graciously intense finish to an otherwise underwhelming film.

            There are many interesting ideas going on in Dr. Phibes. So many interesting ideas, in fact, that they feel crammed at times and can never fully coalesce. The police mystery parts of the movie are unremarkable and dull, and most of the biblical plague murders are more goofy than suspenseful. I still admire the creativity at play in the film, even the movie cannot quite decide what it wants to do with all its ideas. If you are looking for a horror film with a campy visual flair, or are just in it for the weirdness at play, this movie is worth checking out.

Movie Review- Borat

Originally written 12/22/15

            Borat goes for shock value over humor. The actual jokes in the movie are also heavy on offensive and/or gross-out material. I was not offended. The jokes are too dumb to be offensive. I was grossed out, however, so the movie at least accomplished its meager goal. The movie as a whole has not aged particularly well. The oversaturation of hidden-camera prank TV shows and YouTube channels has really reduced the novelty of the film. Although even for 2006, this was hardly more than a souped-up version of Jackass. Sacha Baron Cohen is great as the character in terms of performance, even if the material he had to work with was tasteless and lowbrow. The only truly funny scene in the film (and honestly it is more of a shock value laugh) is the naked fight scene. You know your movie is a dud when the high point is a naked fat man running through a crowded room. 

Movie Review- Harold and Maude

Originally written 12/19/15

            Successful enjoyment of Harold and Maude hinges on the viewer finding the characters' relationship charming rather than creepy, much like Lars and the Real Girl. While not as creepy as Lars and the Real Girl, the romance of Harold and Maude is hardly charming. The movie also relies on the viewer having a high tolerance for Cat Stevens, as his music comprises the film's soundtrack. I am not a fan of Stevens' music, and this slowly wore down my enjoyment of the film over time. It does not help that Harold is a difficult character to get invested in; he is a moody putz who looks like a Chucky doll, and it is hard to feel any sympathy or interest in his search for love.

            I appreciate the film's audacity to be different. It is quite unlike any other movie from the 1970's, both in tone and subject matter. The offbeat vibe of the film feels more at home with the modern indie comedy. The film has a dark sense of humor that is occasionally more off-putting than funny, but it is a sense of humor wholly unlike anything else from the era. The film does have some genuinely funny parts, such as Harold's one-armed uncle and the scene where Harold's mother starts filling out a dating profile for him. Unfortunately, if you cannot get invested in the titular romance, that is as far as the laughs go.

            A comedy's ultimate goal is to produce laughter, and for me, Harold and Maude did not solicit but a few sharp exhales trying to form a chuckle. I like the look of the film, especially the cinematography and the costume design. I like the strange vibe of the film, and its unusualness. Even though Harold is a hard character to like, he and Maude have good screen chemistry. I just did not find the film funny. As a gross oversimplification, it is a romantic comedy repackaged with a gallows sense of humor. If that sounds appealing to you, it might be worth watching. Personally, I was not a fan.

Movie Review- Requiem for a Dream

Originally written 12/18/15

            Terrifying, soul-crushing, beautiful. It is just gut-wrenching to watch people's lives spiral downwards like that. Strange to see Marlon Wayans in a dramatic role, but he was great. I don't normally care for music video style editing, but it works excellently here. The drug use scenes are like a sick twist on Edgar Wright's fast cut sequences. It magnificently captures the carefree dream turned nightmare feeling of the film. The score is haunting and fits the film perfectly. The film is powerful without feeling manipulative. It is a hard movie to watch, but I would highly recommend it.

Movie Review- Dark City

Originally Written 12/12/15

            I feel like Dark City's concept would have worked better as a novel. The idea of aliens manipulating a city trapped in space and constantly rewriting the memories of the inhabitants is too wordy and exposition-heavy to work well as a movie. Nevertheless, the visuals of the movie are excellent. Alex Proyas also directed The Crow, and brings with him his heavily stylized visuals. He decided to stop aping Tim Burton this time, and instead went for a retro-futuristic 1940's film noir look. There lots of striking greens and blues throughout, and they look fantastic. Unfortunately Proyas could not completely shake off his goth phase, and as such the alien villains look like wannabe vampire goth kids in fedoras and Cenobite clothes. There is also one alien who is a child, and this is supposed to be creepy, but it is more comical than anything.

            The editing in this movie is an eyesore. Proyas must have developed ADD in the editing room, because he cannot seem to hold onto a shot more than two seconds. The constant cutting kills the potential suspense of several scenes, and leads to some difficult to follow action scenes. I wish he would have held on to shots longer to give the viewer time to absorb the film's striking visuals.

            Keifer Sutherland's character is extremely irritating. He plays an asthmatic scientist who works for the aliens. He literally takes a deep breath between every sentence. It reminds me of the wheelchair-bound kid Stevie from Malcolm in the Middle. The filmmakers also decided to give most of the expository lines to Sutherland, making it very difficult to keep up with the film's dense details in between his raspy breaths.

            The ending was very disappointing. There's a psychic mind battle between the hero and villain, which basically amounts to close-ups of the actors grimacing intercut with things exploding, as if they were destroying things with their minds. It is a really lame ending to a film that had had inventive visuals, like the city restructuring scenes.

            I saw the theatrical cut of the film, which according to fans is apparently inferior to the director's cut. I do not see how it could fix the problems I had with the movie. That being said, there is still much to like about the film. The visuals and production design are unique, and a big improvement over the visuals in The Crow. And while I think there was too much exposition, the story is still inventive and has plenty of interesting ideas. Dark City is flawed, but it is still worth watching if you are a big fan of science fiction films.

Movie Review- Witches of Eastwick

Originally written 12/10/15

            Witches of Eastwick reminds me of Death Becomes Her. Both are female-driven supernatural dark comedies with a very similar zany tone. However, Witches of Eastwick is not nearly as funny as Death Becomes Her. The three lead actresses do great with the material they are given, and are the only thing that keeps the movie from being completely unwatchable. Jack Nicholson completely kills the film for me. His character and performance are utterly repulsive, and not even in a "love to hate him" kind of way. He's supposed to be alluring and charismatic, but he is not at all in the least. Even if he was meant to be perceived as more of a comedic scoundrel type character, it does not work because he is so utterly repugnant. The movie also indulges in wholly unnecessary gross-out humor that doesn't fit well with the rest of the film. I don't think anyone finds projectile vomiting amusing, but clearly the filmmakers did.

            Visually the film is extremely cinematic, with flashy angles and illustrious wide shots. For a story that's relatively low-key in scope, the visuals are unfittingly epic at times. Director George Miller (who also helmed the Mad Max films) really loves sweeping, grand visuals in his movies, but they are very unfitting with the tone of the movie.

            It's a shame this movie was so bad. Female-driven films are an unfortunate rarity, and the lead actresses were all great. I normally like Jack Nicholson too, but this is easily one of his worst performances. The story is all over the place, too. It feels like there was a lot of material lost in the adaptation process from novel to film. The ending is atrociously sloppy and hokey, too. I really wanted to like this movie, but unfortunately a good cast cannot save an unfocused story and unfunny material.