Movie Review: Goosebumps

I'm surprised that they waited so long to make a Goosebumps movie, and equally surprised they made one at all. The franchise is 23 years old, and as far as I'm aware isn't exactly relevant to today's kids before the movie came out. There was already a TV show in the 1990's, which is the better format for the series anyways. Perhaps the movie's purpose was to reinvigorate sales for a new generation or something. They sure didn't make it because anyone actually wanted a Goosebumps movie.

The biggest problem the movie faces before it even begins is how to approach the movie format. Not counting the numerous spinoffs, the original Goosebumps series is 62 books long. Most of them are standalone novels, which further complicates the task of trying to condense the series into one movie. When I heard they were making a Goosebumps movie I figured it would be an anthology movie, in the vein of Twilight Zone: The Movie and Creepshow. Instead, the movie goes with a weird meta plot, in which R.L. Stine is a character in the movie and has to fight off his literary creations with the help of a group of boring teenagers. I respect the creative team's choice to go in an unusual direction with the adaptation, but it ultimately fails in execution. At least the anthology approach would have left the window open for sequels.

Goosebumps appears to be taking from the Smurfs school of nostalgic adaptations. There's nothing there for the adults who grew up the original product, and instead spends its time trying to make itself appealing to an otherwise uninterested modern audience. I would have almost preferred it if the movie tried to pander to millennials with 90's nostalgia. That being said, I realized quickly what I was in for and tried to keep a kid's mindset. If you have kids or siblings or other 8-12 range children that want to see the movie, they'll probably enjoy themselves. It's fine as a mindless diversion for kids, just don't expect to get anything out of it yourself.

Jack Black plays R.L. Stine in the movie, seemingly cast just to secure the film's financing or to coerce parents into seeing the film because of name recognition. Probably both. He doesn't bring anything to the table that he hasn't already done in other films. The teen characters are all decently acted, each getting the occasional moment to be charming in spite of the tepid script. But the kids aren't coming to see this for Jack Black or the teenybopper wish fulfillment inserts, they're coming to see it for all the monsters.

Part of the problem inherent with the approach Goosebumps takes is the lack of actual monsters in the source material. There aren't many Goosebumps books with villains that translate well to screen, a majority of the books feature a ghost or haunted object as the source of scares. But the Goosebumps movie wants to have a highlight reel of CG monsters to chase Jack Black, so they picked a bunch of obscure monsters from the books instead. They also added a bunch of characters not from the series, such as a flying poodle with fangs and the obligatory cliche scary clown. I was surprised that they left out the Horrors from One Day at Horrorland, as I recall them being one of the more iconic villains from the series when I read the books. (I mean come on, the finale takes place in an abandoned theme park, and you leave out the only theme park related villains in the series?)

Slappy the ventriloquist dummy, who is an unofficial mascot for the series, serves as the central antagonist for the movie, but nothing he does makes any sense or has any clear motivation. There are a few undercooked moments where it seems like Slappy has unresolved father/puppet-son relationship issues with Jack Black, but it gets dropped almost immediately for more CG junk flying at the screen. I wasn't exactly expecting any logical sense from the Goosebumps movie, but they tried to give the movie sense and then fell flat on its face. His half-assed daddy issues raise several questions into the logic of the fictional-characters-come-to-life concept, when a simple "He's an evil puppet" would have sufficed.

The Goosebumps books were never exactly good, even by kid-lit standards. I read a majority of them growing up, and while I enjoyed them at the time, even then I knew they were hokey. In that aspect, I guess Goosebumps does actually succeed. It's escapist fluff kids, just like the books. It's the kind of thing, just like the books, that's fun for kids while they're kids and then really dumb and silly when looking back as an adult. The movie doesn't have high ambitions at any point, only trying to be entertaining for children. It doesn't try hard, but at least it's competently (if not mechanically) made. It's strictly kid's stuff. There are better horror-themed kid's movies out there, but as far as kid's movies go in general, this one is passable.