Movie Review- The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)

Originally written 4/8/16

The Roger Moore Bond films are often maligned as campy dreck. Those detractors would be right, but that is the appeal of the Moore films. They are Bond at his goofiest, and it sure is fun to watch. The Man with the Golden Gun is no exception. It makes little sense and is over-the-top, but it sure is entertaining.

The Bond movies have always unabashedly cashed in on what was popular at the time. Live and Let Die has elements of Blaxploitation, Moonraker is James Bond in space, Die Another Day is the x-treme early 00's Bond, and so on. The Man with the Golden Gun was made when kung-fu movies were popular, so of course Bond fights a karate dojo and sumo wrestlers. It must be seen to be believed. The creative team seemingly dumped any idea they had into the film, and it is a wonderful mess. A midget henchman? Okay. MI6 has a secret base inside a partially sunken ship, so that all the rooms are tilted? That would be cool to see, throw that in. That racist Smokey and the Bandit reject sheriff from Live and Let Die? Nobody liked him, sure we can bring him back. A slide whistle sound effect during a car stunt? Hell yeah, go for it! This movie is gloriously silly and bizarre. It is hard not to be won over by its discombobulated strangeness.

The plot is loopy and nonsensical. Some junk about the energy crisis. Christopher Lee is a villain named Scaramanga whose defining traits are "Has a golden gun and a third nipple". Bond disguises himself as Scaramanga at one point by wearing a fake third nipple. (Which he later peels off and throws onto the side of the road. Because this movie is really whacked.) Scaramanga has a secret island base with a shooting gallery in the basement so he can practice Golden Gunning people. Why his basement setup has a full array of animatronics and neon German expressionist decor is never addressed. He uses a solar-powered laser to blow up a plane. Truly this is an amazingly dumb film.

In the few "serious" moments of the film, the point is brought up that Scaramanga is essentially the evil version of James Bond. He is a hitman and kills for money, whereas Bond does the same thing but because he works for the government. The few scenes in which they address this point are well done, and I would have liked to see this point developed further. However, that would have required a complete overhaul of the film. A spy movie with a flying car is not the place to discuss moral gray areas.

The Man with the Golden Gun is a fun mess of a film. It has all the dumb campy junk you would expect from a Roger Moore Bond movie, but for once it actually clicks. Most of the Moore movies are amusingly campy on occasion. This one is just balls-to-the-wall weird. It is by no means a good film, but it is one of the most fun James Bond films in the series.

Movie Review- The Long Goodbye (1973)

Originally written 4/1/16

A truly fantastic film. The Long Goodbye exists in its own quirky, loopy world and sucks you right in. It is a shaggy dog detective story that rambles and wanders through a cast of strange characters, and we are along for the ride. Elliot Gould is magnificent as the droll, deadpan Phillip Marlowe. He reminds me of Garfield in his delivery, just so dryly beleaguered and schlubby. It is difficult not to like him. He is as affably lost and confused as the viewer, and his "just roll with it" attitude toward all the film's strange events helps to anchor the film. He is not snarky or gritty, just endearingly put-upon.

The film is gorgeously shot. The night scenes are full of rich shadows, and the beach locale is fabulous. I love this shot where two characters are talking behind a glass door and you can see Gould wandering the beach in the reflection. Strange, idiosyncratic things like that really make this film. All sorts of quirks, like the score that is the same song re-orchestrated over and over. It is reminiscent of a Coen Brothers film but with only the quirky characters. That is not to say that the film has no serious moments. It does, and they are great because they stand out in contrast to the quirkiness. It is the kind of movie Inherent Vice was trying to be, except more coherent than Inherent Vice. The Long Goodbye is charmingly odd and rambling, and wholly enjoyable.

Movie Review- Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)

Originally written 3/22/16

The original buddy flick has not aged well. Perhaps this movie was funnier and more charming in 1969, but today it is dry and hokey. The antihero characters are more crusty than loveable, so it makes it hard to sympathize with them or stay engaged in their misadventures. Technically speaking, the film is fine. The cinematography is pretty, and I am a sucker for wild west scenery. The pace is snappy and keeps the film from being wholly dull.

But the buddy banter feels fake, due in part to the unconvincing chemistry between the leads. Paul Newman and Robert Redford were seemingly put together in a movie because they were both handsome. Although to be fair, Paul Newman has enough dashing looks and charisma to outweigh his generic roguish character. Maybe the charming rogue was not as prevalent an archetype in 1969, but today he is forgettable. There is also the ill-fitting Herb Alpert-esque score. I am open to unusual score/soundtrack choices, but bossa nova lounge music and cowboys do not mix. And lest we forget the comically out of place Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head sequence.

There are a few scenes that do work. The opening scene in the saloon, the duel with cowboy Lurch, and the unique travelling sequence that consists of a montage of sepia photographs. On the whole, the movie is just okay. Other movies have improved on the buddy dynamic since. (Even then, Bonnie & Clyde did the antihero thing much better only a year prior). It is not a bad film exactly, just extremely dated.

Movie Review- Night of the Hunter (1955)

Originally written 3/20/16

Night of the Hunter is a dark, eerie thriller bookended by cheesy Leave It to Beaver-esque sequences. Robert Mitchum steals the show as the creepy ex-con preacher. His character is one of the most disturbing villains in film. His sheer levels of menace are still unsettling some 61 years later. The cinematography is stunningly shadowy, and Mitchum is often lit as an ominous silhouette. But the movie has a murky message about sex and temptation, as well as a hammy supporting cast of hillbilly stereotypes that really distracts from the story. At time the movie feels like a hardened criminal wandered onto the set of the Beverly Hillbillies and started disrupting all the cheerily glib 1950's TV antics. The ending drags on for too long and is jarringly happy. Talk about forced happy endings. There's a really creepy movie in here being held by clunky 50's filmmaking conventions. It is worth seeing for Mitchum and the visuals alone, but the story itself is tonally confused.

Movie Review- Blood and Black Lace (1964)

Originally written 3/15/16

Blood and Black Lace is the granddaddy of slasher movies. For better or for worse, this is the template that most slashers have abided in the ensuing years. And as with all slashers, they must be addressed on their own terms. They are the lovable dimwit of the horror family and as such cannot be compared to other Big Kid Serious horror movies because they operate on their idiot logic.

The dubbing in Blood and Black Lace is astoundingly bad. Not just Godzilla movie actors-keep-talking-even-though-their-mouths-are-closed bad. There is a scene at the end where the villain is screaming at her partner in crime, but the dubbing actress is completely monotone. I am easily amused by crap like that, and it is enough to hold the film afloat during the duller parts.

The strong suit of Blood and Black Lace is its visuals. I love Mario Bava's fantastical lighting schemes. It makes no sense for lights to be where they are or to be the colors they are, but it is a treat to look at. I wish more horror movies went for crazy EC comics color schemes like this. The tradeoff is that the plot is thinner than tissue paper. The plot is a cheap excuse for scantily clad women and violence. (Which is the only element future slashers would consistently borrorw). The killers' motivations are nonsensical, and their reasons for axing their victims are even more ridiculous. Their costume is neat, though. It looks like The Question from the Batman comics.

Blood and Black Lace is sleazy and silly, but if you are a diehard horror fan, this is definitely worth looking into. It is also an interesting artifact of horror movie history, especially in the context of the numerous slasher films it inspired, directly or indirectly. The excellent visuals and campy laughs make this a decent flick.  

Movie Review- Godzilla 2000 (1999)

Originally written 3/13/16

Not the greatest Godzilla film ever, but far from the worst. The monster destruction is decent, but the requisite scientist plot is not outlandish or cheesy enough to hold interest. The not-Godzilla portion of the movie follows a group of Godzilla hunters (in this film's universe, people seem to accept Godzilla rampages as a regular occurrence) and a group of scientists investigating a UFO that was salvaged from the ocean. The UFO comes to life, flies around for a bit, and then lands on a skyscraper. It starts trying to suck data out the city's computers, apparently to gain power. The movie is largely scientists standing around wondering what the UFO will do next.

Godzilla eventually shows up and the UFO turns into a monster and they duke it out. The UFO-monster bears a strong resemblance to Muto, the villain-monster from the 2014 Godzilla. Godzilla 2000 was the last film in the series to get an American release before the recent reboot, so perhaps they thought they would just recycle the monster designs because America loves their UFO-turned-kaiju. Who knows.

Godzilla 2000 was the first in the series (discounting the 1998 abomination) to utilize CG, and it shows. The suit effects are some of the series' best, and it makes the poor CG stand out all the more. The rampage scenes and fight scenes are not nearly long enough (the Godzilla series' Achilles' heel), but what we get is enjoyable. The best Godzilla movies are the ones that remember nobody cares about the human characters and focuses on the big guy as much as possible. Unfortunately Godzilla 2000 is not one of those movies. It was enough to satisfy me as a hardcore fan, but overall the film is lacking.

Movie Review- Evil Dead (2013)

Originally written 3/8/16

Like so many other remakes before it, Evil Dead fails to escape the shadow of its source material, and is doomed to a life as a "Oh yeah, I forgot they remade that" movie. The appeal of the first Evil Dead movie is its low-budget grittiness and comically over-the-top levels of gore. The remake is pumped full of cash, giving us a slick and glossy studio picture with nauseating levels of gore. No matter how much money they threw at this thing, it was not going to work. The forest photography looks like something out of Twilight. The creative team was missing the point. They were missing the down-and-dirty indie appeal and Bruce Campbell.

The story is essentially a retread of the original, but with a few details changes. This time, instead of going to woods to party the cast of doomed twentysomethings are there to help their friend kick her heroin habit. This could have been an interesting angle for the film to pursue, but this plot point is dropped once the characters discover the Necronomicon. Once the creepy old book is opened and read, it becomes standard procedure. In fact, the movie seems to embrace every single horror cliché possible. The characters are painfully dumb, even for a horror movie. Evil Dead almost feels like a parody with how many "Don't go in there!" moments there are. The film is also marred by how many callbacks there are to the original film. They should have spent more time trying to do something original, rather than trying to remind the audience that they should be watching the original instead.

Evil Dead also suffers from being on the tail end of the torture porn craze of the 2000's. I appreciate the film's dedication to using practical effects, but it is difficult to appreciate them when they are being used in an unsavory context. There is nothing fun or entertaining about watching prolonged suffering. I am uncertain of where I draw the line in terms of violence in horror movies, but Evil Dead certainly goes too far. It is mean-spirited and miserable to watch at times. The creative team even felt it was necessary to keep the infamous tree-rape scene from the original film. The scene was unnecessary and a blight on the original, and it is just as awful and unneeded in the remake.

Evil Dead is obnoxiously stupid at best and nauseatingly unpleasant at worst. It does nothing to differentiate itself from the original, even copying the original shot-for-shot at times. The filmmakers obviously appreciate the original film, as evidenced by their continual aping of the source material, but they fail to do anything other than make a chintzy imitation of the original. They tried to make a sleazy, grimy exploitation movie, but wound up with an overproduced boneheaded  barrage of gore and suffering. 

Movie Review- The Witch (2015)

Originally written 3/3/16

The Witch is not perfect, but it's the best American horror film in years. It takes all the best elements of horror films and molds it into a taut psychological thriller. It's cabin in the woods horror, man versus the wilderness horror, and supernatural horror all rolled into one. The gimmick of the period setting works excellently, and helps keep all the recycled elements feeling fresh.

The setup is great; an early 1600's pilgrim family is cast out from their colonial settlement because of a dispute over religious beliefs. The family must fend for themselves against the great wilderness of New England, leading to immediate tensions in the family. Matters are made worse when their youngest, an infant, disappears. Suspense rises as the family is beset after continual misfortunes. The genius of the film is that every misfortune that befalls the family could easily be chalked up to the perils of living in the woods in 1600's New England. But the family is intensely superstitious and believes there is some greater evil at work. With nothing to rely on but religious faith, the family members all begin to go crazy believing that the devil is at work to destroy them.

The best part of The Witch is also the story's major problem. The movie spends nearly the entire runtime keeping the viewer in suspense: Is there really a witch, or is it just the typical hardships pilgrims had to face? The few scenes of witch activity we do see are shot with a dreamy atmosphere that, if it were not for the ending, would leave the actual existence of the witch up for debate. The Witch decides to go with the answer that yes in fact witches and the devil are real. After the film's excellent suspense via ambiguity, going with a concrete answer is a disappointment. I would have preferred if they kept the existence of the witch mysterious to the end. A coven of naked witches having a hippie drum circle party is not nearly as frightening as the ambiguity of the preceding moments of the film.

Even if the ending is not what I was hoping for, there are still things to enjoy about the film. The atmosphere is incredible. The movie is largely shot with natural light, and there are many candlelit shots that have a spooky chiaroscuro effect. Everything feels period authentic without crossing into costume drama artifice. It is a grungy, earthy film that realistically recreates early colonial life. The music is sparse and chilling with a folksy, witchy sound. The child actors are incredible as well. They are some of the best child performances I have ever seen, and in 17th century vernacular no less. It is a movie thoroughly dedicated to its eerie old fairytale ambiance, and I admire that.

Movie Review- Magic (1978)

Originally written 3/1/16

Magic is not a killer doll movie, but it would have been better if it were one. The film is a lukewarm psychological thriller starring an over-the-top Anthony Hopkins as a disturbed ventriloquist. The movie makes it clear from the beginning that Hopkins' is mentally unsound, and that the doll is certainly not alive. This kills any potential suspense that the dummy could really be alive versus just being a conduit for the ventriloquist's craziness. The majority of the film is Hopkins doing a hammy Gollum-style routine with his dummy. The puppet is his "evil" side and occasionally compels him to murder people. The is nothing clever or inventive done with the premise, and there is no real suspense or excitement. Jeff Dunham's standup is scarier than this mess.