Movie Review: Wishmaster

Originally written June 14th, 2014.

Wishmaster is a 1997 monster movie from FX wizard Robert Kurtzman. It’s been largely forgotten since its release, and it’s pretty much been universally panned. I’d hardly call that fair. It’s a terrible movie if viewed as a generic monster movie, but if you have the right mindset it’s a fun movie. It’s nowhere near perfect, but it is fun.

The movie is basically a 90 minute parade of special effects. If that sounds appealing to you, Wishmaster will deliver. This is purely Robert Kurtzman’s vanity project. Any notion of sense or logic is thrown out the window in favor of rubbery monsters and gore. The acting is beyond awful; the cast is nothing but goofy cameos and a few soap opera actors. The dialog is hilariously terrible and the plot is mind-bogglingly stupid. The negative reviews are completely valid, but I’m surprised there’s no cult following for this so-bad-it’s-good pile of weird.

Right off the bat we’re thrust into an orgy of makeup effects. The movie opens in 12th century Persia where the titular Wishmaster, a demonic djinn, is putting curses on the townsfolk, turning people into trees, snake-men, and making people's skeletons jump out of their skin and run around. This all happens suddenly with barely any explanation, and it’s hilarious. Not to mention, the effects look absolutely fantastic. This may be a stupid movie, but Kurtzman really knows his stuff. The king of Persia realizes his mistake in unleashing the djinn and imprisons him in a large ruby.

According to the movie’s logic, genies are trapped between the spiritual realm and the earth, and granting 3 wishes for their master will free them and allow them to take over the world. They also have the odd compulsion to grant a wish for anyone they meet. All the wishes are goofy “be careful what you wish for” twists. The twists are so stupid and predictable you can’t help but laugh.

Cut to the 20th century, and Robert Englund is overseeing a statue being unloaded off of a cargo ship. His assistant, played by Ted Raimi, is promptly squished by the statue when the crane unloading it short circuits. This is the first in a series of pointless but hilariously hammy cameos from horror veterans. It’s clear that none of the horror vets were taking their roles seriously, because every single one of them is played as over-the-top as possible.

The genie-ruby falls out of the statue and eventually winds up in the hands of a jeweler named Alexandra. The jeweler somehow awakens the djinn and becomes his master. The genie then breaks free from his prison and proceeds to go around killing people. This takes up a majority of the movie until Alexandra realizes that she can just wish the genie away by wishing that the statue never broke and released him. The end. A no-frills straightforward plot.

The best part obviously is all the special effects. The djinn makes a deal with a hammy hobo and kills another cameo character, that ice cream man from Phantasm. He then goes and steals a cadaver’s face which somehow allows him to disguise himself as a human and stay within the budget. It’s a shame that he spends most of the movie as a human, because the makeup and costume for the monster is great. He looks like a weird cross between the Green Goblin and a Power Rangers villain.

If I’m being honest, there’s not really much more to the movie. It’s just the genie going around and killing people in hilariously stupid wish scenarios. As I said, all complaints about this movie are valid. The effects are fantastic throughout, except for some horrendous 90’s CG. If you like stupid monster movies and haven’t heard of this one before, I’d say give it a go. If you like your movies to have a bit more brain to them, I’d skip it. Take it for what it’s worth, a shameless excuse for Robert Kurtzman to show off his special effects skills.