Movie Review- Blood and Black Lace (1964)

Originally written 3/15/16

Blood and Black Lace is the granddaddy of slasher movies. For better or for worse, this is the template that most slashers have abided in the ensuing years. And as with all slashers, they must be addressed on their own terms. They are the lovable dimwit of the horror family and as such cannot be compared to other Big Kid Serious horror movies because they operate on their idiot logic.

The dubbing in Blood and Black Lace is astoundingly bad. Not just Godzilla movie actors-keep-talking-even-though-their-mouths-are-closed bad. There is a scene at the end where the villain is screaming at her partner in crime, but the dubbing actress is completely monotone. I am easily amused by crap like that, and it is enough to hold the film afloat during the duller parts.

The strong suit of Blood and Black Lace is its visuals. I love Mario Bava's fantastical lighting schemes. It makes no sense for lights to be where they are or to be the colors they are, but it is a treat to look at. I wish more horror movies went for crazy EC comics color schemes like this. The tradeoff is that the plot is thinner than tissue paper. The plot is a cheap excuse for scantily clad women and violence. (Which is the only element future slashers would consistently borrorw). The killers' motivations are nonsensical, and their reasons for axing their victims are even more ridiculous. Their costume is neat, though. It looks like The Question from the Batman comics.

Blood and Black Lace is sleazy and silly, but if you are a diehard horror fan, this is definitely worth looking into. It is also an interesting artifact of horror movie history, especially in the context of the numerous slasher films it inspired, directly or indirectly. The excellent visuals and campy laughs make this a decent flick.  

Movie Review- Godzilla 2000 (1999)

Originally written 3/13/16

Not the greatest Godzilla film ever, but far from the worst. The monster destruction is decent, but the requisite scientist plot is not outlandish or cheesy enough to hold interest. The not-Godzilla portion of the movie follows a group of Godzilla hunters (in this film's universe, people seem to accept Godzilla rampages as a regular occurrence) and a group of scientists investigating a UFO that was salvaged from the ocean. The UFO comes to life, flies around for a bit, and then lands on a skyscraper. It starts trying to suck data out the city's computers, apparently to gain power. The movie is largely scientists standing around wondering what the UFO will do next.

Godzilla eventually shows up and the UFO turns into a monster and they duke it out. The UFO-monster bears a strong resemblance to Muto, the villain-monster from the 2014 Godzilla. Godzilla 2000 was the last film in the series to get an American release before the recent reboot, so perhaps they thought they would just recycle the monster designs because America loves their UFO-turned-kaiju. Who knows.

Godzilla 2000 was the first in the series (discounting the 1998 abomination) to utilize CG, and it shows. The suit effects are some of the series' best, and it makes the poor CG stand out all the more. The rampage scenes and fight scenes are not nearly long enough (the Godzilla series' Achilles' heel), but what we get is enjoyable. The best Godzilla movies are the ones that remember nobody cares about the human characters and focuses on the big guy as much as possible. Unfortunately Godzilla 2000 is not one of those movies. It was enough to satisfy me as a hardcore fan, but overall the film is lacking.

Movie Review- Evil Dead (2013)

Originally written 3/8/16

Like so many other remakes before it, Evil Dead fails to escape the shadow of its source material, and is doomed to a life as a "Oh yeah, I forgot they remade that" movie. The appeal of the first Evil Dead movie is its low-budget grittiness and comically over-the-top levels of gore. The remake is pumped full of cash, giving us a slick and glossy studio picture with nauseating levels of gore. No matter how much money they threw at this thing, it was not going to work. The forest photography looks like something out of Twilight. The creative team was missing the point. They were missing the down-and-dirty indie appeal and Bruce Campbell.

The story is essentially a retread of the original, but with a few details changes. This time, instead of going to woods to party the cast of doomed twentysomethings are there to help their friend kick her heroin habit. This could have been an interesting angle for the film to pursue, but this plot point is dropped once the characters discover the Necronomicon. Once the creepy old book is opened and read, it becomes standard procedure. In fact, the movie seems to embrace every single horror cliché possible. The characters are painfully dumb, even for a horror movie. Evil Dead almost feels like a parody with how many "Don't go in there!" moments there are. The film is also marred by how many callbacks there are to the original film. They should have spent more time trying to do something original, rather than trying to remind the audience that they should be watching the original instead.

Evil Dead also suffers from being on the tail end of the torture porn craze of the 2000's. I appreciate the film's dedication to using practical effects, but it is difficult to appreciate them when they are being used in an unsavory context. There is nothing fun or entertaining about watching prolonged suffering. I am uncertain of where I draw the line in terms of violence in horror movies, but Evil Dead certainly goes too far. It is mean-spirited and miserable to watch at times. The creative team even felt it was necessary to keep the infamous tree-rape scene from the original film. The scene was unnecessary and a blight on the original, and it is just as awful and unneeded in the remake.

Evil Dead is obnoxiously stupid at best and nauseatingly unpleasant at worst. It does nothing to differentiate itself from the original, even copying the original shot-for-shot at times. The filmmakers obviously appreciate the original film, as evidenced by their continual aping of the source material, but they fail to do anything other than make a chintzy imitation of the original. They tried to make a sleazy, grimy exploitation movie, but wound up with an overproduced boneheaded  barrage of gore and suffering. 

Movie Review- The Witch (2015)

Originally written 3/3/16

The Witch is not perfect, but it's the best American horror film in years. It takes all the best elements of horror films and molds it into a taut psychological thriller. It's cabin in the woods horror, man versus the wilderness horror, and supernatural horror all rolled into one. The gimmick of the period setting works excellently, and helps keep all the recycled elements feeling fresh.

The setup is great; an early 1600's pilgrim family is cast out from their colonial settlement because of a dispute over religious beliefs. The family must fend for themselves against the great wilderness of New England, leading to immediate tensions in the family. Matters are made worse when their youngest, an infant, disappears. Suspense rises as the family is beset after continual misfortunes. The genius of the film is that every misfortune that befalls the family could easily be chalked up to the perils of living in the woods in 1600's New England. But the family is intensely superstitious and believes there is some greater evil at work. With nothing to rely on but religious faith, the family members all begin to go crazy believing that the devil is at work to destroy them.

The best part of The Witch is also the story's major problem. The movie spends nearly the entire runtime keeping the viewer in suspense: Is there really a witch, or is it just the typical hardships pilgrims had to face? The few scenes of witch activity we do see are shot with a dreamy atmosphere that, if it were not for the ending, would leave the actual existence of the witch up for debate. The Witch decides to go with the answer that yes in fact witches and the devil are real. After the film's excellent suspense via ambiguity, going with a concrete answer is a disappointment. I would have preferred if they kept the existence of the witch mysterious to the end. A coven of naked witches having a hippie drum circle party is not nearly as frightening as the ambiguity of the preceding moments of the film.

Even if the ending is not what I was hoping for, there are still things to enjoy about the film. The atmosphere is incredible. The movie is largely shot with natural light, and there are many candlelit shots that have a spooky chiaroscuro effect. Everything feels period authentic without crossing into costume drama artifice. It is a grungy, earthy film that realistically recreates early colonial life. The music is sparse and chilling with a folksy, witchy sound. The child actors are incredible as well. They are some of the best child performances I have ever seen, and in 17th century vernacular no less. It is a movie thoroughly dedicated to its eerie old fairytale ambiance, and I admire that.

Movie Review- Magic (1978)

Originally written 3/1/16

Magic is not a killer doll movie, but it would have been better if it were one. The film is a lukewarm psychological thriller starring an over-the-top Anthony Hopkins as a disturbed ventriloquist. The movie makes it clear from the beginning that Hopkins' is mentally unsound, and that the doll is certainly not alive. This kills any potential suspense that the dummy could really be alive versus just being a conduit for the ventriloquist's craziness. The majority of the film is Hopkins doing a hammy Gollum-style routine with his dummy. The puppet is his "evil" side and occasionally compels him to murder people. The is nothing clever or inventive done with the premise, and there is no real suspense or excitement. Jeff Dunham's standup is scarier than this mess.